Waiting a Long Time
by the writer formerlyknown as lm
Summary: “That you don’t like sex?” “No, James. That I’d like sex if it was with a bloke.” Sirius comes out to James. Implied RLSB. [Complete.]


Disclaimer: I am not British, I am not married, I have no children, and I'm not a millionaire. You guessed it- I'm not JK Rowling.

Author's Notes: SB/RL is all I've read lately, and then I was listening to Green Day, as is my muse for all HP fics (just look at the titles), and a story flashed in front of my face.This story now has four parts to it. (I totally 86ed the original sequels I had planned.) I'll put the titles to parts 2, 3, and 4 at the bottom (just to remind you that they exist). And so this must mean that this is Part One, yipee! (And it's not necessary to read them in order or to even read the other fics, so whatever.)

Beta'd by **Vaughn**, the most wonderfully awesome person in the entire universe.

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**Part One: Waiting a Long Time **

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Sirius Black fell quickly on to the ground and felt the cool, wet grass mold into his form. The sun was setting in the distance, and he let out a low whistle. It was days like this that he lived for.

"Term starts tomorrow." His best friend, James Potter, dropped down next to him. "I can't believe it's already been the whole summer." He turned his face towards the sun, which was surrounded by masses of pink and lavender, and sighed.

"What?" Sirius asked, feeling calmness overcome him. He yawned and closed his eyes. It was always this way when he stayed at James's house. He felt like he had a purpose, that he was loved, and, for a second, life didn't seem so bad.

"The sunset reminds me of Evans."

"Bleh," Sirius grumbled.

"I mean it." James turned to Sirius. "Don't you see her when you look at it?"

"No." Sirius smiled wickedly. "But then again, I haven't fancied her since third year."

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" James turned back to the sky. "I've fancied Lily forever, and she still seems to think I'm the scum of the earth. I just don't get it. Sirius, I wish I could just date all those girls like you. Just date them and not allow my feelings to get all wrapped up in the thing."

Sirius did not reply; instead, he rolled a piece of grass in between his fingers, eyes never leaving the sky, his mind obviously deep in thought.

"What?" It was James's turn to tease. "Has Padfoot found someone?"

"No." Sirius smiled a sad smile. "There's no one for me," he finished softly.

James didn't know exactly what to say to that, so he just began humming. He wasn't sure what the song was; just a random tune he'd picked off the Witch Wireless his mum always insisted on playing in their kitchen.

"What are you singing?"

"Nothing," James trailed off and looked at his friend. "I think I'm in love." James, who'd been trying to deny the feeling that had been growing inside of him, slowly but surely for two whole years, now felt like this was the moment to say it. Something told him that if he said it, Sirius would come out of the calm stupor he was in; it would wake him up. And it did.

"Love?" Sirius's grey eyes peered into James's brown and appeared to be looking for something.

"Yes. Love. I'm in love with her."

"Wow," Sirius mouthed and turned back over.

"Are…you in love, Padfoot?" James decided to try after another moment of silence befell the duo. The sun was almost completely set, and Sirius seemed to be thinking once again.

"I think--- I have feelings for someone."

"Really?" James said. "Do they know?"

"Of course not." Sirius smiled that twisted smile once more. "They'd have an aneurism if I told them."

"Another one of your stalkers, eh? How you could ever date one of them is beyond me."

"Not a stalker. No, they don't even like me." Sirius stood up. It was now officially dark, and he was beginning to feel the darkness engulf him. James held out his hand and Sirius pulled him up.

"She doesn't like you? How is that possible? You're Sirius!" James continued their conversation as the two walked back to his house.

"This person is---is different, though. I didn't even know I liked them until this summer, and now all I can do is think about them. They're always there, and they're always----" Sirius paused, and struggled for the right word. James tapped his foot, but in a patient manner.

"Jimbo." Sirius shook his head and looked at the ground.

"What?" asked James, lowering his eyes to meet Sirius's. "You can tell me."

"How long have we been best friends?" Sirius asked.

"Well, we met a couple weeks before our first year." James bit his lip in thought, trying to think of an answer while ignoring the voice in his head that was asking him why Sirius wanted to hear all this. "And then we sat on the train together on the way up to Hogwarts. Then, we accidentally hexed Remus. We apologized, and we thought he was shaken. Then, a few weeks later, he switched our potion ingredients and… What was the question?" James looked at Sirius. His friend's eyes were wide and gleamed in reflection of the moonlight. James had noticed that Sirius had been acting strange all week, and he knew the moment of revelation. The reason for Sirius's distantness had been a long time coming. Now it was here.

"I don't even feel like I know myself anymore, James." Sirius sighed and sat back down on the ground. James looked down at the heap beneath him.

"What?" he asked, sitting across from Sirius.

"I slept with Diana…" Sirius shook his head. "Before the term ended, I just---took her into the dorm."

"Wow." James had not been expecting that. Everyone knew that Sirius often got caught up in the fun that came with dating girls, but no one _really _expected him to take it that far.

"Well, what happened?" James asked.

"I broke up with her!" Sirius yelled accusingly. "Are you happy!"

"You feel---guilty because of this?" James didn't understand.

"James," Sirius's voice grew quiet. "I broke up with her because…I didn't like it."

"You didn't like it?" James asked. Sirius? Not liking sex? That seemed almost the impossible. Sirius's mind always seemed to be on the subject. And, though James would never admit it, he often admired his friend's apparent everlasting knowledge of the forbidden realm that is _sex_.

"No, James," Sirius spat. "I didn't like it."

"Maybe you did it wrong." James scrunched up his face at the thought.

"No! Don't you get it, you git!" Sirius glared at James and his stupidity.

"No, I don't get it," James said. "I didn't know someone could just, not like sex. I thought everyone liked it."

"I did it with the wrong person." Sirius threw his head into his hands. "Oh, James! This has been eating me up all summer! I feel like my insides must be _as destroyed as a battlefield_!" Sirius pulled his hands down. His face was calm except for one persistent twitch on the left side of his jaw. "How can I tell my parents? No, you know what, fuck them! How will I tell everyone at school?"

"That you don't like sex?" James was still in the dark. Sirius laughed.

"No, James. That I'd like sex if it was with a bloke." Sirius hopped up to his feet. He began to walk off. Shocked, James caught up with him.

"What?" He placed his arm on Sirius's shoulder and turned his friend around. "Sirius---it can't, you can't---are you sure?"

"Positive." Sirius shrugged.

"Sirius." James chuckled.

"What?"

"My dad told me all about this. He says everyone questions themselves at some point. It's no big deal."

"James, look, I've been waiting a long time for this. To say this. To admit it. Just like you've been waiting to admit your feelings for Lily. We both spoke our hearts today."

"But all the girls like you," James uttered in disbelief. Sirius pulled open the door to James's house, once they had reached it. He beckoned James in and ushered him up to his room. Once there, Sirius shut the door behind him. "It's funny, isn't it? Not funny, but ironic." Sirius threw himself onto the extra camping bed that James's folks had bought especially for him. He noticed that James was staring at him.

"Oh, please don't tell me you're worried you're gonna catch anything. I'm just as harmless as Remus." Sirius's voice took on a soft tone.

"Actually, it's just, you seem like Sirius now, you know? You're Padfoot again. Not the deep, thoughtful guy. You're my goofy best friend again."

"So?" asked Sirius, smiling. He pulled a blanket across him and smiled at James. "I needed to say that for a while, Jamsie. Just get it off my chest. I'm happy now."

Indicating the end of their conversation, Sirius turned to face the wall, and James slipped into his own bed, turning off the lights as he went down.

"Sirius---?" James opened his eyes, something occurring to him.

"Yes."

"You said you liked someone."

"Yep."

"A guy?"

"Yep."

"So you're really gay."

"I've always been."

"Really?"

"I think I've always liked this guy in particular."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I wanked off to him."

"I didn't need to hear that." James buried his head into his pillow some more. Sirius giggled and seemed even more the intent on making James squirm.

"The whole time I was with Diana, I thought of him."

"That's even worse."

"Isn't it?" James could hear the amusement in Sirius's voice.

"Are you gonna tell him how you feel?"

"Someday, maybe." Sirius sounded indifferent. "I don't expect him to act on it. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

A few more minutes passed until-

"I have to know who it is!" James said in frustration.

"You do, do you now?"

"Yes! Who's this mystery guy!"

"Jealous?" Sirius said lazily.

"Jealous?"

"No need to be, doll. Of course it's you." Sirius laughed.

"It's not me."

"It could be you."

"It's not."

"What makes you so sure? Have you been around when I wank off? Maybe I mutter 'James…' under my breath."

"You don't mutter 'James' under your breath. It's someone I know, though, isn't it?"

"I'd like to think you know yourself, after all I taught you second year."

"You don't like me!" James frowned at his friend. "Okay! I just found out that my best friend is not only gay, but in love with some random guy. Just let me absorb this!"

"See, I expect Mum will act ten times worse than that. I think I might actually like telling her."

"You're so stupid sometimes!" James chucked his pillow at Sirius. He heard Sirius catch it with a plump.

"I hope you know you're never getting this back."

"Just tell me."

"It's you."

"It's not me!"

"It's Moony."

"You don't like Remus!"

"Of course I don't! I like you!" Sirius slid into bed next to James, a smile on his face.

"Now you're _Sirius-y_, and you're trying to freak me out, but it won't work."

"What if I kissed you?" Sirius leaned in. James jumped up.

"You freak! Stop!"

If that outburst fazed Sirius, he didn't let it show and seemed, on the contrary, very entertained. He knew that James was open-minded (all Potters were, to a fault), his best friend, and wouldn't ever judge him. Which was why he told him first. He explained this.

"…see? I knew I'd have to tell you eventually. Now it's out. Someone besides me knows."

"I think you're just confused." James slumped back into his bed, waving back on the lights as he went, "But of course I don't care. In fact, I think part of you may have become gay just so that you can make the jokes."

"It's just something else to tease you with, my dear." Sirius kissed James on the cheek and then went back to his bed.

"So you're not going to tell me, huh?"

"Nope." Sirius smiled charismatically. "Though, if you weren't so caught up with yourself you'd probably know it."

"Goodnight, Sirius." James turned back off the lights, and then a small flicker of something flashed into his mind.

A thousand memories flew back at him- they were eating breakfast, and Sirius grabbed his arm…He'd just gotten out of the shower, and Sirius looked at little too long at his chest…They were in the library, and Sirius just smiled at him…

"Sirius?" James said again.

"Yeah?" Sirius answered.

"I don't think Moony'd have an aneurism."

---

Part two is _If I Get There_

Part three is_ So Much Closer_

Part four is _Ready or Not_


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